Grammy and Grampy time...

Opening presents from the kids. This one was from Liam. It consisted of lots of odds and ends and gum, pre-UNwrapped!

Gabe got creative with the camera?

To be like Daddy now and play and sing with him!

It's hard not to love this baby!

Hours and hours of fun.

More party time!

We love Grammy and Gampy!

Friday December 13th

Boaz turned 2 on Friday. My Christmas baby (as close to Christmas as we've got!). My first home birth. My third little man. Friday we celebrated just us. I was given an early Christmas present from Asher! Sophia helped me make 7 layer bars. (Keila I don't follow that recipe to measurements and I do another layer of all the good stuff minus the butter and graham cracker bottom.)

I spent what seemed most of the day (or at least during the kids most needy hours) tackling a Winnie the Pooh cake. Dinner was rice in the rice cooker with a little bit of Soy Sauce and Parmesan cheese sprinkled op top! The following day my parents were coming to celebrate Christmas with us. The cake was on the menu for our joint celebration of Jesus and Boaz. Parties are just more special with family! 

But we partied it up simple style our family of 7 and here's proof we had fun doing it! You know... once I had finished the cake and all was right in the world again.

We have a 2 year old in the house again! Time and efforts put in will one day soon pay off! This boy is a gem who is very much still in love with...me!

6 months...

Just before a little someone around here turns two, I can't ignore or fathom the fact that another little someone just before hits the six month milestone. Half a year. Half of a whole year.

Lemuel entered this world just the way my entire pregnancy with him went, freakishly fast. And the boy hasn't slowed down since. Not once. Or rather, time has not slowed down once and at times I feel I'm on the fast track of a time warp that doesn't play fairly. He's reaching for our plates, playing with toys, growing teeth, getting stuck under the furniture and sucking on his toes.

He ditched the pacifier months ago and thinks it's funny when I put it in his mouth. He's an easy, warm and snuggly sleeper in bed with us. He's jolly and easy and predictable.

I love his name. And I can't help but think of this very charge for him, the one that told me while still in the womb that if I had a son his name would be such, each time I pray for the man he will become.

Proverbs 31:1-9
The sayings of King Lemuel- an inspired utterance his mother taught him.
Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb!
Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers!
Do not spend your strength on women, 
your vigor on those who ruin kings.

It is not for kings, Lemuel-
it is not for kings to drink wine, 
not for rulers to crave beer,
lest they drink and forget what has been decreed,
and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
Let beer be for those who are perishing,
wine for those who are in anguish!
Let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Time can keep making its way through the seasons of my life. My squishy delicious babies weren't made to just be adorable squishy babes. What destiny this little person contains! What a calling to have future men in my home.

Be a good king, Lemuel, in the sight of our God. You have a royal inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

6 months and baby's first Christmas.

sights and smells of Christmas...

The ludicrous amount of sweets consumed has begun!

Christian Fellowship Academy's concert night!
The thrift store pulled through for some Christmas-y apparel! 

When family living nearby is nowhere to be found, special traditions carry on with special people who long for the same comforts. And we love these people.

Our FIRST family picture of the 7 of us! Yes, Lemuel will be 6 months in a few days. Better late than never.

Still such a mama's boy.

Only a mama thinks this face, still healing from the effects of a virus weeks ago, is precious in every little way. 

The tree. Much larger than we thought. MUCH larger than our little space can/should really contain, but the kids LOVE it!

It's a great BIG big world out there to discover and take in. Good thing the tree fell over in the night and we could properly tie it to the window so as to avoid a treacherous outcome for this guy.

7 Stockings now. 

Christmas Advent story books and tree.

It's Christmas in our home. The kids are wrapping up old toys, making creations for each other and couldn't be more excited to give them! This giving of good things has really sparked much fun and interest. And I know it comes from heaven above. Because how special to think, the best Gift giver of all gave the very best gift for me, for them.

These traditions. This time. More than even the giving! Just tools to point to the best gift of all... Jesus.

7

Who really needs this when you have the imagination, creativity, drive, and patience like Asher. His own rendition is still in 'the works' (below) but for Asher, that's exactly the best part. Jabba made his way here for a birthday present, all $14 of him for that little guy. He doesn't leave Asher's side, making his way to bed each night in a warm clutched hand. I even caught a glimpse of him after the service at church last Sunday.

Asher turned seven. SEVEN!, on the 18th. He's growing up in more ways than one. This number feels older than any other. I know, probably because it is Renee, you say. But it really was enough to choke a bit more in my throat this year. Another fast and furious seven years and he'll be a young man. I'm noticing more of those little boy responses left by the wayside for bigger and more mature ones. And yet, Asher remains: gentle, kind, loving, creative, loyal, dependable, fun-loving, and a bit of a slow learner which only spurs on the persistence and diligence like none other. Slow and steady wins the race for him!

I love this kid! His name means happy blessed warrior. He's named after his daddy. He is a joy to me, to us! I love who he is becoming. I love him today, all strengths and weaknesses that I get to come along side of and help point the way to.

He loves Jesus. His siblings. Being with Gabe or I. Family. Going out and yet being home. What can I say, he's my kinda guy!

he's 4 and He is good...

We had JUST finished our first DIY home renovation project. We tore down walls and laid new floor throughout, creating a more functional and open space down here on the main floor. It had been a whirlwind of an entire summer/early fall doing nothing other than eating dust and trying to keep 2 toddlers out of tools and away from the jigsaw. (I have a picture of Sophia trying to carry it around!)

A bathroom? A bedroom? Easy! Shut the door and go on with life until time allows for more chipping away. But your one and only main living space? While living in it!? It's just awful, especially with little guys. To say I was ready for more normalcy to return to our day was a huge understatement. I longed for a space to just be.

I painted the front door that very night after I put a not quite 3 year old (he'd turn 3 in 5 more days) and 16 month old to bed. I was 8 days overdue. I have never gone late any other time. My record holds strong at either spot on or a couple days early. I know the extra week and a day was just for me. I had that time to finally nest in a home I had not really done much of since first moving in. And let me tell ya! A LOT can happen during that stage of pregnancy. I amazed myself as well as probably scared Gabe more than he was comfortable with. You did what? How? How is that even possible? I'm not really sure, but I just did it. And I feel GREAT! Don't you just LOVE it!? Yah....

A fast labor and only 1/2 hour spent at the hospital head long in it . It was perfect. It was so quiet outside. It was so dark out, those early morning hours. It was peaceful. It was only lightly lit in the room. I remember calling my mom around 4:30. "He's here. Liam Oliver." He was so special looking. Unlike the rest. He had his own unique look. And he was quiet. So calm. He's been my easiest (to the point of just not normal) infant/baby. He never cried. Never is a really strong word but he really never cried. He may have whimpered? Even for his diaper change those first few days when all newborns cry scream!, he didn't, not once. And he loved to sleep in bed with me and nurse on and off all night long. And I let him. For months and months and months and months. And he quietly slipped by with life, loved and doted on.

And then one day...(as it really appeared to us!) he turned rowdy, passionate, and had a temper like fire that spread uncontrollably. He yelled, had a voice so deep and angry, with opinions all his own. We knew our docile toddler would start to show some true colors at some point. They have to. They always do. But this? This was just awful. Where was that quiet lump of a baby who just sat there. In the highchair. With no food. Just sat there. And didn't make a peep. Not one. I'd forget about him in there for all of clean-up.

Through Liam I have learned a lot about myself.  It has been because of all the kids, but Liam in particular, that I embarked upon a much needed sanctification process that God gets all the glory for. More times than not I found myself in a really hard place. How could I discipline him for his own horribly wretched responses out of anger and frustration when I had lost it just as soon as he had. Or how could I tell him that was wrong and we don't do that when earlier that morning I failed, again, and responded to my own feelings of frustration and feeling overwhelmed in anger, to him. Or to someone else and he watched the whole thing. How could I teach him what was wrong and how to do what was right when I was up to my ears in my own sin? We both were an ugly sight. And I feared the worst. A man. Grown. Out of control. Little kids and a wife. And that temper that was never carefully and rightly dealt with. I was the mom. I was supposed to nip this in the bud? How? I needed the nipping. It started with me.

It's been quite the process God has taken me on. Two years is a long time to feel weighed down. Helpless. Starting to grow hopeless for the end result I so badly just wanted. That low point is always when He comes in to rescue. It takes a broken person. I was broken. Jesus gave me Liam at such a time I needed Him to. I spent night after night and prayers after prayers, many in hot discouraged tears, for my own sin to just go away. How much I was failing them. All of them, and especially Liam. He was picking up on all the 'right' cues. They came from me. I felt stuck. I was the major part to the puzzle as to why frustration, short words, and a harsh tone filled this space. Filled every one's tone. I felt out of control. And I hated it.

Do you have any idea how faithful God is? I mean, how He goes to the ends of the earth looking for you, calling you higher. And without condemnation, in Him. It was as if the gospel started to take on a whole new meaning for me when I was asking Him for revelation in this particular area.

And.I've.been.met!

Now I walk in something completely different as a mom. Something completely different as a child of God, as a daughter of the Most High King. I walk in the realization that I have power over sin. And it's by His Spirit. Only. I had the repentance thing down. I know He forgives. I knew He forgave. Every time. But I also knew in my heart I didn't need to keep battling this like I was. The part of the gospel that easily escapes us, it had me, is Jesus. Not Jesus: died for my sin, rose again, my sin is paid. But Jesus: power over sin because of what he did on the cross. Now go and walk in it! Freedom.

I don't have to sin. HE provides a scapegoat for every temptation. He is that scapegoat! Temptation isn't sin. How I respond has the potential to be sin. I wasn't even looking for the outlet. But He was there. I know, because now, I see Him there. And He's right there. And He's really gentle. Holding my words. And He's in my tone. It's not harsh anymore. Should it be. Yes. I repent. But it's short lived. I know the way now! And I'm seeing more victories in my life in this area than I ever saw before. Before there were no victories. The aftermath. Yes. The repentance and forgiveness. Yes. But the freedom, no. I didn't know how to walk in it. I was crying out to Him for the way. How?

One morning in the midst of my pursuit for Him to be the one to really clean me up, I proceeded to flip through the stack of verses on tiny little cards that I do with the kids for devotions. It was just like any other Monday. Time to start the week off with a new scripture to hide away in our hearts. I was looking for a short one we could all memorize and talk about for the week. Do you know what the first one was I saw? Our conversation didn't last a week. I chewed on it night and day and did for months and months thereafter. I had Asher write it down and I framed it where I'd see it. And I have been changed in miraculous ways. And it's this, rather simply, though life altering:  And it's been my answer!

Galatians 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 

There it was. My answer. My hope. My God. His word spoken to me. We haven't been much of the same around here since then. I haven't been much of the same around here. Because when I sought Him, He drew near. 

Liam's prayer every single morning is this right along with me, right along with the other kids: fill me with your Holy Spirit. Yes, we receive Him when we first ask Him into our lives. It's only by the Holy Spirit moving that one can even come to the place of realizing their need for Him, but I need more of Jesus today, every day. Every hour. Not just when I asked him into my heart when I was 4. I don't stop needing Him and He doesn't want me to stop asking Him.

I shared it with the kids like this. When you drink milk and finish it, there's always a little left in the bottom of the cup. Always. It never leaves. Even if it's a faint lining, that film is always still there. But you get thirsty and need more, so you ask and I give it to you. Gladly! God is the same way. He always wants to fill us back up to the brim with Himself. He wants our cups to be running over actually. Bubbling forth! Sometimes we get low, dangerously low. We need to constantly be asking for Him to fill us a fresh. It's not just a one time deal. It's not even a once a day deal. It's a moment by moment by moment need. So that, when we're tempted to respond with a fleshly response there's just no possible way it can happen. They got it! I got it!

And we're all learning how to walk in the Spirit and what that looks like but I'll tell you this. It's a lot simpler than you think. My little measly attempts have always always always thus far been met with that greater help. 

Liam has had mountains moved in his life at 3! Mountains I know that are no longer lining his landscape filled future for when he's a daddy like he wants to be someday. He will know how to not fulfill that fleshly response. He has learned it at 3. And he's learning it still. My prayer for Liam is that he is groomed well in the Spirit. 

I can now help my son in this area of his own life with the remedy! Not a sympathetic or even empathetic response. But the real deal answer to a specific problem, and an answer that delivers and brings change. Brings life more abundantly. I can watch and rejoice with him when the Spirit moves inside of him. That's where I want to resonate with him . How incredible it really is! And all the glory to God because He is faithful and does more than we could ever ask or think.

If you know Liam at all, you know he loves life. He loves people. He often draws Gabe and I out of our own comfort zones when he so naturally strikes up a deep conversation with a total stranger, anywhere. And then makes them laugh. He's intentional. He's outgoing. Loves food and eating. The one thing he's predictable in is his unpredictability! I don't have a box for Liam, and I love that about him. He's fun! And he's just really really funny. I'm always in need of a good laugh throughout my day.

Liam: Mom, do you know why I roll my tongue like this. [Proceeds to roll tongue to one side once in mouth really fast.]

Me: No. Why?

Liam: Because, I get more water Mom. 

Happy birthday to this boy who adds so much to this world!

Year 3 has been a break through for me and you. I'm excited to see what's in store for year #4!
Only the best! And we get to walk it together.

There's so much hope and future in Him. And I'm so so thankful.

the best part to my day...

Sorry for the lock down! From last week:

I'm taking a class on Monday nights offered through our church. Gabe is taking one too, different from mine. We call it date night! And it's fun. We may only talk while riding to and fro (5 min) BUT it's still fun. Except when Lem gets super heavy and doesn't want to nurse and doesn't want me to sit down anymore, but we're making it work. I discovered some baby lovers who will happily love and dote on him during their class. It's been a nice break.

I'm also learning, lots.

4 Keys to Hearing God's Voice is the name of the class and it's been such a blessing to me.

Shortly after the first class I heard the Lord say to pass onto these babies of mine exactly what it is I'm learning.

The HOW, He said. They're not too young.

I want them to know how real and present His voice is. How easy it is to hear it and how easy it is to miss it.

So right along with the kids we have been...

~Quieting ourselves down
~Praying with Jesus as our vision
~Tuning to spontaneous thoughts

The last step is

~Journaling (what you hear)

The kids aren't great writers AT ALL so we share aloud with each other. I journal on the side by myself at a different time, when I can. I'll admit that's been a bit tricky for me but I see the benefits of doing so to 'test' what I hear in the future. When I have made the effort there really has been much fruit. Little did I know how quickly they would come on board with the idea and actually run on a head of me a few steps. I have been so amazed and encouraged by what they are hearing! Right on down to Liam.

For them, it has simply made this God they know to be real, even more real, to them, personally. WOW!

Note: If it lines up with a Biblical truth, it's God. If not, then it's not God. If it builds encourages etc... it's God.

The best is when they have messages for each other. "Chunky, God loves you!" "Sophia, God will never leave you." "Liam, you're going to be a Dr. someday!" "OK! We'll put that one in the books to 'test' later!"

Today, I sent the bigger kids outside to play while I tackled our bedroom. It was bad. I won't go into anymore details!

Up and down the stairs getting reorganized and putting odds and ends where they REALLY belong, allowed me the occasional conversation from the door. I was hot from the push to finish or at least get as far as I could, therefore the window on the door was slid down to allow the screen to pass just the right amount of breeze through. I could hear the kids playing just fine. And if needed was just a hop, skip, and a jump away.

"Mom!"

"Hey! Mom!"

"I was walking to 'the rock' (Asher's special spot he envisions in his mind when we do this exercise inside) and Jesus met me half way! We walked the rest of the way together. I held his hand. Then we sat down and he hugged me. He told me how special I was to him and that if I ever left Him or went lost, He'd always come looking for me. Always."

I choked a bit on his words.

God is faithful! Thank you God! Thanks for speaking to my kids.

Best part to my day? That right there. More than the much needed deep cleaned room I had? Yes! It already shortly thereafter looked like a dump again anyways. [*note: since writing this last week I divied up some chores to Asher and Sophia once a week to help me 'maintain' my room. Best decision in a while! Not to mention how weird my kids are. "Mom, this is SO fun. I'm never in this room but it's like...SO fun!" Now the laundry isn't being moved from the bed to the dresser so Gabe and I can crawl into bed at night thereby turning into mini Mt. Everests and toppling over.]

And this! Lots of chitter-chatter and banging from inside the garage to fill the crisp air. The Grand Reveal! It stands outside the door  in the corner now as this statement, 'Jesus lives in this home!'

we like a good fight...

Ephesians 1:7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.

Galatians 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

1 John 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

These verses among others, but these in particular, have been simmering in the slow cooker now for weeks. Weeks which have turned into months. And months for me, equals a whole entire season. What I'm learning is simply put into words for our morning devotions, just the kids and I. There has been more opportunity for Gabe to follow up at night and isn't it funny how when the Holy Spirit speaks, it's to the whole family? There's something He wants to impart.

It might be a season of repetition and reiteration again and again and again for them and even carried into their daily copy work for school, but for me, it's been life to my bones. And I'm in need of the reminder, often. As in, every hour and sooner.

I'm a bit of a slow learner. Sometimes things take a while for me to grasp in understanding. Whether that's because I'm acting like a fool or because I'm too antsy for the next round of events to allow what needs to soak in, soak in and take deep deep root before moving on, or both!, I suppose depends on the state of my heart at the time.

Lots of times I do need to be hit pretty hard over the head. But I am grasping. Not at air this time. Not out of desperation as a last resort, but in the fullness of Truth. And it's been wonderful. And I think, what better thing to pass on to my children: that in Him, we have everything we need to fight this daily battle and win.

Every.single.time.

That work on the cross transcends time, generations, and cultures and it's made for the most mundane day and the most rotten of attitudes and motives, today.

So...baby kiddos, get your swords along with me (these verses we're learning and repeating and repeating some more and talking about throughout our day again and again and again) armed and ready, again!, and see victory in the name of Jesus!

daughter...

Two days ago I taught you how to make bread. You've only been asking for months and months and months. Today, I stood and just observed. I took pictures too of course because today was a big day, a lot less guidance, and you were so excited! I gave direction when needed but you are well on your way to completing the process from start to finish (minus lugging the flour bin out and then back into the cabinet, preheating the oven, putting the bread on the rack and taking it out when finished). I'll remain mama for all of that for just a little while longer.

You are 5. And you are beautiful. Though charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is worthy to be praised. You want to be a mama like me when you grow up, so... in little ways I can think of now, I am reminded I am the one to show you and prepare you for such a calling. Sometimes I pray you are nothing like me as a mama, but then I remember you were put with me for a reason. Through my weaknesses you can see just how strong He is and you can walk in grace too.

While it's all fun and interesting now, because it's new and exciting, what I hope to pass onto you (or rather allow the Holy Spirit to impart to you) is joy that comes from serving, day in and day out after it has lost its charm. This bread recipe as easy and mindless as it really is (no kneading!) can become burdensome to make. When we're out of bread and I'm tired, even the easy 'throw it together method' can become brutally inconvenient. And that's when duty must take over. But, it doesn't have to unaccompanied from joy!

But even that takes a heart of intention.

I want to be intentional with you. I want you to be well equipped from our little bread making days and responsibilities so that when you are a mama you'll know where your joy, strength, and worth comes from. I want you to know who satisfies and fulfills like none other. That there is rest for the weary and His presence easily tapped into even in the confines of your own little four walled cozy and yet crazy haven. That walking in His Spirit is the only way to not fulfill the lust of the flesh. The ones that will make you painstakingly aware of your need for Him and yet will remind you of the power over sin you hold through Jesus Christ. You will no longer have to choose sin, and yet should you, with repentance comes no condemnation! How good is our God, little lady?! You'll have scriptures stored up and ready to rage war with, yes, even when you make a simple batch of bread for your hungry little brood someday.

You know, all the things being revealed to me by His Spirit too that I'm privileged and called to share with you.

That's what I pray you catch.