our life in pictures now...

It's true. I looked at the clock this morning and was ready for a nap at 7:53. At 10:46 I fought to keep my eyes open as Boaz played with trains on my legs while I laid on the couch. But I am amazed and thankful. Just as soon as the chaos or a crazy moment hits, it's gone, and peace is restored. There is strength to get up off the couch once more as I hear that sweet little babe stirring in his swing, address the spat, or answer that question. Life goes on, and He's carrying me through.

I am thankful for...

A daughter who loves this baby and is ready to help in any little or big way she can. Right now it's all a blessing to me.

ALL these babies. And a couch long enough to fit them.

Asher. He is a gem. I can always count on Asher to do a job, do it well, see it through until it's finished, and be that little voice telling me throughout the day he loves me and that I'm doing a good job too.

A daughter amongst all these Ockrin males.

Older siblings to entertain and play with younger ones on their own initiative.

Liam to make me smile. He's growing up too and seems to have made leaps and bounds in areas he was recently struggling with.

Imagination and creativity of any and all kinds.

As ugly of a beast as this thing is (and I don't dare go near or on it when it's running) literally mows all our grass (which is A LOT) in an hour.

This one to keep the wasps and their nests at bay. He's always on the hunt and can spot them no matter HOW small like nobody's business.

A happy and content baby who doesn't have his days and nights mixed up. One who is growing and had well surpassed their birth weight at 10 days old (newborn check up with the pediatrician.)

Kids happy to help with lawn maintenance.

Just how many times she asks to hold baby Lemuel.

More creativity

Bigger babies

"Mom, I just want to make sure those really are his eyes."

This one who grew up what seemed overnight. He now does diaper trash duty and LOVES the praise.

And this guy who is the best husband and dad and is completely smitten with and devoted to the kids and me.

God. Who sent Jesus for me. Because I really need Him. And because without Him I'd have none of these thanful's to be thankful for.

Final part!

I glanced up after that little conversation with Regina about pushing. How do I make it upstairs now. There he stood in doorway. Gabe! I was so relieved to see him. He caught that little conversation too and the look on his face was priceless! He came to my side. "Help me upstairs?"

"Where are the kids?"
"Lisa's"
"How are you?"
"I just want to be done." 

But that baby, still posterior, had me really concerned. What if I push and he's not in a good position? I really think I need to push soon! What if this is just the beginning to this really long labor. I need to push and if he's still posterior what if he gets lodged in there the wrong way!"

It didn't take long at all to realize the position I had thought I wanted to deliver in (laying on my side) was going to be a major no go! Once I switched it up, I could hear them setting up and bustling around. She's not set up. "Can I push? I'm pu...."

My water broke.

More quick bustling around. "Ok, she's pushing."

That unavoidable urge to push took over my fears and even hesitation to push. I quickly rationed in my head that if I had to push, he must be ready. I have no idea when he turned but thank God he did! I'm guessing it was pretty last minute. No one knows for sure. Regina didn't have time to check that or get a base line for heart rate. Things just went too fast. But I remember up until the last leg of it feeling him and still positive those were knees and everything else we had been feeling in the posterior position prior.

One good push for the head. A break. Then I was told to push like never before. He started to make the needed turn sideways in order to get the shoulders out, however he gave the implication of continuing to keep on turning right back to that dreaded posterior position (though preferred for him) which at that point would cause lots of problems, delay delivery, and possibly cause shoulder dislocation. That was pretty much all I needed to hear. I pushed a second time as hard as I could, and out he came!

"Thank you Jesus!" Then shortly after he cried. "Thank you God. " I still didn't know what it was. I was turned away. Honestly, all I cared about was that it was done and he was crying. After a few more seconds I asked what it was. Gabe said, "It's a boy!" 

A beautiful healthy baby boy with dark curly hair (it looked wavy due to being just born) just like in the many dreams I had that in each one it was clear in some way or another:

1) It was a boy
2) His name was Lemuel (despite Gabe's slow to come on board agreement in real life, that's another story, though neat in God's timing and working!)
3) He had dark curly/wavy hair
4) The labor was FAST. Several that I delivered myself. One where I was yelling down the hall for help!

Think God was preparing my heart and giving me some insight into something? Well absolutely!

My parents came the very next day to see us and then took all four kids home with them where two ended up with them, two with my in-laws. We are still enjoying a recoup time with just Lemuel. Well I am. Gabe returned to work today. The four day weekend, just us, was absolutely special in every way. The weather was beautiful. We felt completely overwhelmed by the blessing of our families and the goodness of our God. I am missing the kids and getting ready for their return on Wednesday afternoon. However, I am still very much seeing the great need for this time and even enjoying it thoroughly!

A healthy son is something we just.don't.take.lightly. What a gift! Praise be to our God!

Regina, my midwife.

Boaz very interested and curious as to what the screaming thing was.

Seeing him for the first time!

First time holding Lemuel.

Proud, doesn't even describe it.

Big brother, Asher. He was so precious with this babe.

The face! I can't stand it.

Lots of admiring.

My parents meet Lemuel.

Grampy and the best dad I could have ever asked for!
Love this man!

 

 The chins!

Special visitors 

Proud dad on Father's Day.
4 sons to boot!
And one very extra special princess. Who's role as such just got that much more special!

 

Pretty much ever since we've moved into this house Gabe has wanted a red maple. I told him I wanted him to go pick one out for Father's Day this year. Typically we don't do presents. This just seemed fitting this year! Of course he jumped on the idea and got to work. In honor of Lemuel's birth as well as being the best Dad for our babies! My babies and I are blessed by this man!

He's a keeper for sure!

Part 2

Because my last post, originally intended as one, turned into a baby and much needed bed break!

I now remember I had called my midwife and the assistant during that piano lesson just to give them what sounded like the measliest little informative I had. And all for their sake really, in terms of, be ready possibly for a call in the wee hours of the morning. Maybe go to bed early. I'll keep you posted. If you don't hear from me, obviously it's nothing! They appreciated the call but I know by the way I sounded over the phone they must have thought time was certainly on all our sides.

And I certainly thought it was too. The baby was still posterior from every angle I could tell. I prayed labor would not start until it turned. Seeing as the baby showed no indication of turning any time soon as well as the sporadic activity that was taking place on the home front I really started gearing up for my longest most grueling labor yet.

I also sent a text to a group of gals. One of which was lined up to be here with me for the labor/delivery, another just right down the road to take the kids when things started. I informed everyone, though with really no pressing need to address anything. Maybe they can all just hope with me.

The next series of events are still rather foggy. I've had some time now to process it. At the rate things happened and how little I actually remember, I thought it best to get down in writing what I can before it all goes out the window. 

No pictures. No going according to somewhat of a plan. No mistaking something was now very well underway. Oh, and no Gabe.

Contractions started coming. However, still very spread out. Some 8-10 min apart and that's just a guess because as soon as the winds changed in here, though still uncertain I remained, I ran upstairs to finish packing the kids' bags. I certainly was not timing anything but did make the connection they were still spread out though growing somewhat in intensity. While I did that the kids had strict orders to get ALL READY FOR BED. It was too early to actually put them to bed (though admit I contemplated!). At the very least, to have them all ready and settled so I could catch a break if need be while they watched a movie until Gabe's return sounded like a wise decision.

They were bouncing off the walls! I was less than present as I hurried around, dropped on all fours when I thought of it in hopes the baby would turn (still much to my dismay), and wondered if this was really it. No. This can't be it. The baby is not turned!

It was then that both those friends lined up to help, by the grace of God I am convinced, both texted their readiness to 'hop to it'. I can come get kids at any point! Just say when. And the other, Do you want me to find someone to sit with my kids so I can be with you while Gabe is gone?

To which I both addressed in my head. I'm not really in labor. This could go on for a while yet. But maybe the emotional break would be nice and clearly the kids are not having much fun with me here. They obviously are NOT ready for  bed, not to mention, why can't I keep them under control? Just some thoughts going through my head, which should have been red flags.


I agreed to the kids going with Lisa. I agreed to Keila coming to sit with me. Looking through my texts I found this one to Lisa around 7...  major red flag!!! I just don't know what to do! They are definitely coming more steady and stronger. Thinking I should call Regina. Keila is on her way. Boaz just fell down the stairs!

To which she replied, "I'm on my way!"

I made the mistake of telling the kids they were going to go the Criscitello's and the energy in here skyrocketed! I can't send my kids like this to Lisa!  

"Guys go run around the house 10x's before Mrs. Criscitello gets here." "Awesome! 5 more!" I remember watching them through the windows run their little hearts out. Liam, with arms and fists pumping the air just as fast as his little legs could carry him. His face flush red. "Mom my heart is racing!" 

"Great! Keep it up!" "Faster!" "5 more!"

Lisa showed up around 7:30. Keila shortly thereafter. I still hadn't called Regina back. My plan was to have the house quiet for a bit until Gabe got home so I could try to figure things out. I'd call her when things started to actually pick up and prove to be something.

The looks on both girls' faces told me I had better call Regina and the assistant. I did. Lisa left with the bandwagon of Ockrin babies excited and ready for Mom to have the baby but mostly to play and have a good time! Can't blame them!

With Keila here, the house quiet, and things starting to pick up now their more typical groove for a labor (which for me is a lot of lower back pain during contractions) I was ready to settle into the normal two and a half hours or so of active labor. I did all fours when I could during contractions hoping and praying baby would turn. Nope! Gabe called and was on his way! Oh great. He'll be here for the bad ones where I need him to rub my back.

Hmmmm... these are getting awfully strong awfully fast and God bless Keila, but she's doing nothing for my back right now. ;-) These are getting intense. Such a good friend and she was the only one here! With baby still posterior and the level of intensity that was now coming through in contractions, I was starting to get a bit concerned.

Regina showed up. Phew! I remember glancing outside to a figure walking across the lawn from the road. Sharon was here. But still, no Gabe. I didn't really have time to miss him. Contractions kept coming and I did my best to focus and breathe through them.

It was then that I heard Regina ask me (hunched over the table), "Are you pushing?!" 

"Yes?" 

"Get up stairs now."

to be continued....

Final phase to come.

Sorry! he really did JUST wake up!
 

Lemuel: His labor and glorious entrance to life outside the womb.

Lemuel: "Devoted to God."
John:  "God is gracious." In honor of Gabe's dad, John Ockrin.

Lemuel John was born 6-12-13. I rather like that easy to remember birth date. Lately, I've been struggling at Drs. offices trying to come up with the right years for everyone. 6, 6+6=12, after 12 comes...13. Easy!

We had yet another successful home birth! What a blessing! I am continually thankful for this experience. I can't say enough wonderful things about it. Others may disagree, but for me, for us, this is the way to go. Yes, even Gabe relishes in the benefits of a low risk pregnancy/labor/delivery and I think I heard it more from him this time than even the last how much he loves to be home too. God is good to us.

My due date was Friday the 14th. I had no feelings as to when things would happen, let alone how fast this time around things would really catch wind, take fire, and take off. Literally, too!

I woke up that morning with it feeling like all the rest. It was a beautiful sunny day. The kids played outside. I kept Boaz inside most of the day with me so I could putz and even rest while he played and watched a movie. I went into massive nesting mode and stripped everyone's bed and hung sheets on the line. (Should have been a red flag?)

I did notice within the past few days more and more Braxton Hicks making their appearance. On this particular day I did notice them maybe even a bit more. Very sporadic, irregular, though mixed on and off throughout the day with lower back achiness. "Hmmm... wonder if today is the day?" I even texted to my mom and sister. Really more hopeful than anything because again, nothing was really sticking. A pregnant girl can dream right?

The day was coming to its usual Wednesday second round of events: Gabe's always welcomed return home from work, a quick dinner, and then Asher sent out the door with Gabe for this time his last piano lesson of the semester. Sophia joined in on their usual fun, as well as the quick mid-week stop at Big M for more bananas and milk (major staples in this house!). I don't remember much while Gabe was gone for that hour. I cleaned up from dinner and picked up around the house. Earlier in the week I had started to pack up bags for the kids to go be with my parents and in-laws once the baby came. I think I did a bit of that while the little guys played, should something happen in the wee hours of the morning. I was suspicious maybe something was up with more irregular contractions coming, though growing just a hair more in intensity.

I remember Gabe returning with Asher and Sophia and sighing a BIG sigh of relief. "Ok, if this is anything, Gabe is home now, we can hunker down for the evening, get kids in bed, and just wait it out."

I remember the look on his face when he walked in. He was completely elsewhere.  

"There's been a fire at Alcoa."  
"Do you need to be there?"  
"If I can. I should."

Thinking about past labors/deliveries we decided that since 3 hours has been a pattern from onset to finish, a mere 1.5 hours could be playing it safe. Since nothing at that point was absolutely certain in terms of a labor at all, all I could say was, "Keep your phone close."

Note: had I really been in full fledged labor at that point 1) Gabe would have never left me no matter how dire any other circumstance was. 2) If I honestly thought things were headed in the direction they really were (come to find out) I would never have given the OK.

to be continued...

because this is how I'm spending my time now, and I'm loving it. Tired. But loving it. And see that little Lem of a love. He's absolutely into me too!

sights from my Monday morning...

The camera battery is charging. I'm tying up loose ends, whatever that means, and we are officially into hunker down yet continue on with normal life mode until baby makes his/her debut. I've gone a few days early, over a week late, and spot on twice now. I have no feelings. I have no wishes, other than that baby will come when baby is ready. And honestly we wouldn't want it any other way!

Desicions! Some made up, some waiting to be made up for me (Baby!)...

Despite the new rule for myself 'start to go to bed EARLY', I find myself (most nights) rebelling and then thanking God in the morning I got just one more good night's sleep! My midwife and the assistant that will attend the birth gathered here last  night; chatting, checking baby, and addressing the elephant in the room. Not just me ;-), but the calm before the storm that is most assuredly looming...labor.

Somehow this time, I feel absolutely unwilling (in my mind at least because 'body' will inevitably take over) to participate in my fate. Baby remains posterior much to my dismay and despite any and all efforts to lure him/her to cooperate. My midwife remains not even remotely concerned. I remain very much aware labor can and could be a lot harder/longer than some of my others. The way my stomach  moves with limbs, knees, feet, and elbows remind me of the night I went into labor with Asher. "Oh look honey! How cool is that?" as we sat watching Seabiscuit in our little apartment in West Stockholm, and entirely past an early bedtime I might add! It was cute then. Now, I'm piecing together the why Asher's labor was so intense from the very first contraction, harder to manage, stay on top of.... He clearly was posterior like this one is now. Being the naive first time mom that I was, as well as never being informed of any of my babies positions from my OB, I just didn't have a clue.

So while I continue to mop the floors on all four and the kids hear me say out loud, "I just don't want to do it this time. I just really don't want to do it!" I know there will be grace and strength unexplainable and insurmountable waiting for me to tap into. As the emotions seem to have gone a bit hay wire in recent days! and the physical stress of aches and pains are taking on a very real and tangible form, I appreciate and see even their purpose in preparing me for the 'bring it on' mentality that I've been waiting to have hit.

On a more lighter note! Because I am still very much in denial this baby coming out thing will all take place, our plans for next year's school term appear to be somewhat decided. Sophia will be joining the ranks and for this she couldn't be more excited! I'm taking an all out break from anything school related for the summer months and she is not exactly embracing it quite like everyone else. She would prefer her Explode the Code book C to come in the mail today so she can get busy.

For her, as I did with Asher, I have planned to focus mostly on math and reading for 'subjects'. She can fall into suit as the younger ones kinda always do/have for history, science, Bible/scripture memorization, and anything else we do together. Honestly a big part of Kindergarten, from what I remember with Asher, is working up to it all; learning to sit still, finish something, obey, have a good attitude, and a lot of character building and laying the foundation. She's had a good start to all of that as it stands, and yet I really do appreciate how homeschooling does bring these kinds of issues out where they can be addressed from the start and the year can carry on with greater ease and enjoyment on all our parts!

She will do Bob Jones K for math, and Explode the Code for reading/phonics. As well as the highly liked and suggested from many I know Getty-Dubay series for handwriting.

Asher will continue on with Saxon grade two for math, Beautiful Feet Early American History semester II for history, as well as Explode the Code supplemented with Abeka's grade two Language Arts readers only for his phonics, reading and spelling. Those readers I'm actually able to borrow from my sister which is a plus! He will continue doing the Getty-Dubay series for handwriting as well.

The kids are well into and absorbed with our read aloud series. That remains the only thing I have planned to keep up with over the summer, when it feels right. I'd love to take a trip to visit Almonzo's farm sometime next fall when I'm feeling uber ambitious!

Some new things that I plan to focus on for Asher pertain to an area in which he has shown much interest, talent, and gifting. This book will be the core for the vision of implementing the principles introduced to create his very own book. He's written several already but I see a need where he can improve and learn a lot which in turn, I think, will spawn on more creativity as well as more self independence to see a project through from start to finish.

I don't plan to get into the nitty gritty that someone could concerning these next two choices for second grade, but just enough to start to lay some simple foundation work for writing/communicating. As opposed to Abeka's in depth study concerning the language arts, this or this seems to be exactly the simple and straightforward something I am looking for. I'm tending towards the language fundamentals one due to the mechanics it seems to offer which will help aid in the core vision I have for writing for him.

Gabe always says, "As long as they can write/communicate and figure problems out, they will succeed." Which is why I've also gone this particular route, approved by the principal himself! ;-), for science this year instead of a bulk study on just one particular thing. Asher and I got a little bored with that route as well as seeing the importance for spawning on a life long love for learning by means of something just as simple as changing/sprucing it up with new topics. The 'daily' part does not scare me or make me feel bound in any way. I have no problem doing what will work for us! And I'm actually looking forward to this study!, one who isn't particularly interested in science myself but everything to do with most teaching/learning styles for it. Science at grade 2 should just be fun and interesting!

Something else I have in my cart ready to purchase is this Bible book for Asher to start his own little personal devotions. Something he can read everyday before even climbing down from his bunk bed to start the day. The verses are simple and I plan to use them to aid in our memorization and devotional time for further study and insight, as well as copy work. I love his composition notebook from this year filled with the scriptures we memorized and the handwriting put into practice.

That's a wrap for now. Piano lessons were a highlight this semester so those will continue on as well! I selfishly just love to hear the music playing in the background to the ebb and flow of my day.

Pictures to update!

This week of cooler more bearable temps is officially ear marked to making all the extra food I have in mind to set aside and freeze for when we have this baby. Unfortunately, it has taken me all 4 babies prior to rid myself of the naive role I can tend to play concerning such matters and turn it into good old wisdom. Baby will need chocolate chip scones for after birth right? Right! Granola, bread, and a good many meals are on the docket as well. 

Baby also seems to have taken on a posterior position, even after the preferred anterior with bum and baby mostly on the left. I'm busy trying and succumbing to all the moves they suggest. Regina's bag of supplies and equipment sits ready in the closet. Gabe is now at ease after the emergency rehearsal should he be the only one here. And we're now just enjoying the last weeks of this norm yet in anticipation for the new one that will most assuredly rock our little world! Honestly, the thought of number 5 added to the mix does not concern  me all that much. Four was quite the adjustment and with my mind solely on getting through labor nothing else has been given the time to consume my thoughts. Little bit naive there? Absolutely! 

The rest of this post reflects most of our week last week. I realize Liam is not in many of them! I was reminded he turns into a bit of a bear with the hot temps and spent most of the days napping, of which he rarely does these days.

  Big kid feet! Whenever I notice this in pictures it makes me a little sad and wonder, "When did THAT happen?!"

This one, keeps me on my toes inside. But he's really delicious so it's OK.

Busy, brave, and daring doesn't even describe the half of it!

Kid brothers!

A simple craving as of late. Very quick and easy when I bypass the red tomato sauce making part!

Kid siblings

 I certainly get my exercise keeping tabs on this one outside too.

What the island looks like when we're outside all day.

Before

And these just make me laugh every time I see them and compare to the view now. Top picture was taken when we first moved in. I left for a bridal shower one day our first spring in the house. I asked Gabe to 'trim' the bushes for me. I came home to a slaughter house! It was a sad sight for sure. Now it's full and happy and growing every year after some major TLC!

After (what I came home to that one spring day way back when)

After-After