one month...

Just one month of being a family of 7. Already one month of life with this Lemuel to hug and squeeze and kiss and get to know. Sure he's number 5 and I'm a mom a 5th time over, but it never ceases to amaze and intrigue me the newness I feel with a new someone. Who are they? What do they like? What are his quirks? Who does he look like? Who will he be? What plan is he destined and called to be apart of? And things I just plain forget and google like a first time mom with a blank slate in mind naturally would. When will the belly button fall off? Is that stench normal?! What are the best swaddling blankets for the summer heat? When does the baby acne and cradle cap typically set in? For how long? Why again?!

I've been stretched in more ways than I ever thought possible. We had an ant problem thanks to my lack of ability to stay on top of proper cleaning. I'm honest when people ask how I'm doing. I'm hanging in there. I feel like one big juggling act. We are in transition. It's pretty crazy at times. 

But a whole month has slipped by. And where I am apt to think and even say out loud I feel overwhelmed, I remember some things.

~ Who cares about the ants! As quickly as we had an issue (inside) it was resolved. There seems to be an ant invasion outside this year. Whereas Asher loves to go to the mailbox? in the evening hours to see hundreds of them scurrying in and out carrying egg like cargo from a pile the size of a lemon, only to be a complete ghost town in the apparent 'ant off' hours, I on the other hand look simply to appease his excitement and bewilderment. It kinda freaks me out.

~ If I am quiet and still and willing to be led, He leads me. Ever so gently and graciously. He guides my words and my tone when I give Him my heart.

~ There is grace for five! I'm sleeping less and waking up earlier. He meets me in the quiet. He meets me in the insane. I was never able to wake up quite this early before and function. I'm not just functioning. I'm thriving. What a testimony to ME!

~ He is watching over me and my brood because He surely knows I need it now more than ever. Several times I have broken down into tears of gratitude over the what ifs that could have happened in that split second or two. He's got my back. He's protecting my children and I'm grateful. Beyond words grateful!

~ When I draw near to God, He draws near to me.

~ I have this awesome husband who prays for me and over me and against things, and I really need that.

Am I enjoying this season in its sometimes awkward and even insecure newness? Yes. Have I ever been more grateful Walmart is only 5 minutes away so that when I venture out to do a massive grocery shopping trip I can return a new baby Lem who only wants to be held to his daddy so I can actually get in and get out before it's midnight? Nope!

This baby has spent most of his life wearing just a diaper. Which is great seeing as the seasons don't exactly match up from all the other boys I've had. He doesn't have a baby book yet. He still has yet to strike up a beloved nickname of sorts. But he sleeps snuggled right up in bed next to me and he's loved just the same. This baby that I dreamed about and saw in my dreams to look very much as he does now is sweet and delicious and everything that a newborn is supposed to be.

one month